The Decision I Never Saw Coming: IVF at 45
/
If you had told me even two years ago that I'd be starting a fertility journey at 45, I would have laughed and said no way.
I spent my 30s and early 40s battling Lyme disease and Lipedema. Fertility wasn't a priority. Getting my life back was, and I was truly in survival mode. When you're fighting just to get through each day, you're not thinking about egg counts or biological clocks. You're thinking about making it to tomorrow.
This year was different. For the first time in nearly 15 years, I finally felt like I had an upper hand on my health. I wasn't in survival mode anymore, and then something unexpected happened. I felt space. Openness. Choice.
So here I am at 45, exploring fertility not because I have it all figured out, and not because I suddenly decided I want kids tomorrow. But because I was told something that stopped me in my tracks.
The Conversation That Changed Everything
After having IVF expert Dr. Shahin Ghadir on my podcast and asking all the questions I'd been avoiding, he said something I couldn't shake. Dr. Ghadir is a double board-certified reproductive endocrinologist and fertility specialist with over 20 years of experience. He's a partner at HRC Fertility, an assistant clinical professor at both UCLA and USC, and consistently voted one of the Top Doctors in the U.S. by Los Angeles Magazine. When someone with that level of expertise tells you something, you listen.
That 45 is often the last real window to preserve the option. And that waiting longer can mean losing the choice altogether.
I've always been undecided about kids and honestly leaned towards not wanting them. I never had that burning desire some people describe, and I never felt ready. But I also never completely closed the door. It just stayed in the back of my mind as something I'd figure out eventually.
What Dr. Ghadir helped me realize is that "eventually" has an expiration date. Your eggs don't wait for you to make up your mind. They're aging every single day, and nothing reverses that. Not supplements. Not lifestyle changes. Not waiting until you feel ready.
He recommended I consider freezing my eggs so that I truly get to make the decision about whether I want kids or not, rather than leaving it up to my biological clock and then regretting it later.
This really hit me. I like having options and choices. I like being in charge of my decisions. And the idea that biology could make this decision for me if I waited too long didn't sit well.
It took me about three months after recording that episode to come around and decide to give it a try. Three months of thinking, researching, talking to my husband Adam, and sitting with the idea of what it would mean to keep this door open versus letting it close. My husband has always wanted kids so for him the answer was an easy yes. Lets do this and see what happens.
“Don’t Let Biology Make the Choice for You. You Never Want to Be in That Situation”
Why I Chose Dr. Ghadir and HRC Fertility
I chose Dr. Ghadir because he is incredibly knowledgeable about fertility and has one of the highest pregnancy rates in the field. But more than that, I felt at ease with him when he was answering all my questions on the podcast. He was patient, thorough, and genuinely passionate about helping people navigate this process.
I don't know that I would trust anyone else to go on this journey with me.
HRC Fertility also just opened a state of the art facility in Beverly Hills, and the new location has everything you need access to on your fertility journey all under one roof. The staff is patient and friendly and answers every question along the way, which is important because there are a lot of them. From the moment you walk in, you feel like you're in good hands.
When you're doing something this significant, especially later in life when the stakes feel higher, having a doctor and a team you trust makes all the difference. I never feel rushed or dismissed at HRC. I feel like I'm part of the process, not just a patient being moved through a system.
Why Starting Later in Life Looks Different
Obviously, the sooner you start your fertility journey, the better your outcome. But not all of us have that option in life. Some of us spend years dealing with health issues, building careers, finding the right partner, or simply not being ready. And that's okay.
What I've learned is that starting later doesn't mean it's too late. It means you have to be more intentional, more informed, and more willing to trust the process even when the odds aren't perfect.
At 45, the numbers aren't in my favor the way they would have been at 30 or even 35. But I'm not doing this because I'm guaranteed a certain outcome. I'm doing this because I want the option. I want to know that I explored every possibility before the door closed completely.
Why Surrogacy Is Part of My Plan
One thing I haven't talked about much yet is surrogacy, and why it's part of my plan from the beginning.
At 45, carrying a pregnancy comes with increased risks. But for me, it's not just about age. It's about everything my body has been through.
I spent over a decade battling Lyme disease and I've been in remission for a while now. Pregnancy changes your immune system significantly, and for someone with a history of Lyme, that could mean retriggering the infection and undoing years of progress. There's also evidence suggesting that congenital Lyme is possible, and the thought of passing this disease to my child is something I'm not willing to risk.
And then there's Lipedema. I've had multiple surgeries to remove the diseased fat tissue, and pregnancy is known to trigger Lipedema flare-ups. The hormonal shifts, the weight gain, the fluid retention. Everything I worked so hard to correct could come back.
So when I sat down to really think about this journey, I realized that carrying a pregnancy myself isn't the safest option for me or our future child. Not because I couldn't physically do it, but because the risks to my health and potentially to the baby are too significant to ignore.
Surrogacy gives me a path forward without putting my health on the line. It allows me to create embryos now while I still have the option, and then take the time I need to decide on next steps.
Dr Ghadir and HRC Fertility has had lots of successful births with surrogates, so if we get there, I feel like I'm in good hands to navigate that part of the journey with them too.
This isn't about taking the easy way out. It's about being honest with myself about what my body can handle and making the choice that protects both me and any future child.
This Is About Choice, Not Certainty
I want to be really clear about something. This isn't a story about being certain I want kids. This isn't advice telling you what to do with your fertility. And this isn't a guarantee of a happy ending.
This is me choosing information over regret. It's me deciding that I'd rather know where I stand and have options than wonder what if for the rest of my life.
There's still a long journey ahead, and no guarantee that any embryo will make it. But I'm grateful I have a choice now and can explore the option. I'm grateful that conversation happened when it did, so the decision wasn't made for me by default.
This Is About Choice, Not Certainty
I want to be really clear about something. This isn't a story about being certain I want kids. This isn't advice telling you what to do with your fertility. And this isn't a guarantee of a happy ending.
This is me choosing information over regret. It's me deciding that I'd rather know where I stand and have options than wonder what if for the rest of my life.
There's still a long journey ahead, and no guarantee that any embryo will make it. But I'm grateful I have a choice now and can explore the option. I'm grateful that conversation happened when it did, so the decision wasn't made for me by default.
“I Don’t Want You to Be the Person Who Changes Their Mind When the Doors Are Closed. Make Sure You Have Options So You Can Truly Make the Choice for Yourself. ”
What's Next
I'm taking you along for this journey, the real and unfiltered version. The shots, the appointments, the emotional ups and downs, and whatever comes next. I don't know how this story ends, but I know I'm glad I started it.
If fertility has been on your mind, even just a little, I can't say enough good things about Dr. Ghadir. He's currently accepting new patients at HRC Fertility, and one conversation can shift everything. You can book a consultation here: https://www.havingbabies.com/appointments/
You never know when your life will change course. Mine did after one podcast episode, maybe this blog and my story will help inspire yours.
